Writing prompt 3: Have you ever been depressed?

Yes. Off and on for years. I wrote this in my personal journal May 31. This is how a major depressive episode feels for me. I don't know what it is like for others:
I've been in a depressive episode this week. Those are hard because when they show up I slip into a destructive, unrighteous, isolated personality. I become a different person, one I'm not proud to be. When I am here I lose a large amount of ability to resist temptation. Out of it I can say, 'No, I don't want to do that,' but in a depressive cycle I seem to just give it all up. I feel like I can't get revelation on what to do in life because the still small voice doesn't like to shout through the fog. Even if I do ask for something and get a response, the response is so vague that it doesn't really get me anywhere. What good is some future mention of a wife or job if nothing is happening NOW? I don't want to read the scriptures since I feel more like Laman and Lemuel than the unattainability of Nephi, and there doesn't seem to be anything to compare to my life. All that put together doesn't equal a very enjoyable few days. Usually that is all the time I get pushed under for before I can, for some reason, claw my way back up for about another month to a month and a half. Then I go down again. I think I can breath again now, but this past week has been the worst in a while. The problem now is that even though I am not under for now, I feel bad about some of the indulging I did. I know it wasn't right. So even if I am no longer in that mood, I now feel like $#1% for what I did on a spiritual level. Depression may be unavoidable, but these actions while under the influence are, right? Even when I'm at the bottom I can still hear a tiny voice saying I shouldn't, but I end up picking up the pickax at rock bottom and starting to dig. All I can say now that I am back in the light of the sun is, "Please God, keep me up enough that I don't repeat this too many times so I slip beneath your reach."
I haven't been in a bad depression since then. I have had hard days, and even weekends when I feel angry, worthless, and any other bad emotion, but I haven't sunk too much since May.

Like most things in my life there are songs that echo how I feel while under:
3 Days Grace:
Animal I Have Become
Get Out Alive
Pain
3 Doors Down:
Away From The Sun
Breaking Benjamin:
Breath
Give Me A Sign
Lights Out
Evanescence:
Going Under
Lithium
Linkin Park:
One Step Closer
Staind:
Comfortably Numb
Epiphany
Outside

Writing Prompt 1: Who did you last say "I love you" to? Do you regret it?

Apart from family, of course, the answer is no one. After all, why say "I love you" when I only like someone? And that has turned out bad so far, so going above liking would probably be a bad idea anyway. So, no. But I don't really worry about it. Some people think I should, as every other thing they say to me is about dating. I've cared about several people before. One at a time of course. But I've had to 'like' more people than I ever wanted to because when I started too, at least since I got off my mission for the LDS Church, they've stopped talking to me. I must be quite a burden :). But now I'm safely out of the Mormon bubble with limited female contact, so ruining friendships with women isn't really a possibility at this point.
My plan of course, was to date and marry the first girl I ever liked, from around 4th grade. I blame this on the George Strait song, "Check Yes or No" that came out at that time. But she moved when we were both 14 so instead of George Strait I switched it to "Life's a Dance" by John Michael Montgomery. "I never did ask when she moved away." No we are 'friends' on Facebook, me as single as 4th grade, while she has 2 kids. I think it's 2, could be 3. High school wasn't too bad in the woman department, ostensibly because I never asked anyone out on even one date. I thought about it, but that's as far as it went. Dream dates seem to go better than actual ones anyway.
After my mission I held off dating for a whole year: until Bishop Moore started calling me into his office to encourage me to date. Thanks a lot, I blame all this on you, Bishop! Since then my life has turned into a country heartbreak song- minus the beer as I don't drink. Is there a song called, "My preacher told me to date her (and now she won't speak to me)?" Someone should write it. I smell a hit. At least my life isn't a pop song with sex and drugs as well as leavin'.
But, let us be optimistic! Right? Right! I'm only 28. I can, potentially tell someone I love them. And have it turn out fine even when I just like them. Something to look forward to!

Beginning of my distopia

The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. The World Committee had decided that it was a breach of human rights for individuals to have property. Copyrighted material was the individual’s own work. So copyright had been outlawed. Either everything was uncopyrightable, since it couldn’t be done, or no work was because if three hundred people had the same idea they could all write the same thing and each put it out for others to read. That was if the World Committee consented to the three hundred manuscripts. After all, what if the others liked one copy over another? So no one wrote any ideas down. They kept them in their heads, if they had them at all. It had been one hundred fifty years since the World Committee had consolidated power from the individual nations, and publishing houses were in very short supply.

Madison Sims walked past the ruins of old monuments that were in the center of U.S.S.A City One. The pyramidal top of one monument seemed to point at the bearded head of the only part that remained of its mate. That head looked strangely sad. Why had the people before the World Committee made a statue that showed sadness? Madison pushed the thought out of his head. It didn’t matter why. That nation no longer existed. Now there was simply the roving Committee. It was the constant care of every World Liver to do what the leaders said.

The Committee was residing for this four-year period in U.S.S.A. City One. Three months before they had moved into the large white government buildings from Middle East City One in the Tigris River Protectorate. The parade had gone for miles, the celebration for weeks. Madison had stood dutifully on the sidewalk watching the black motorcade trail by. When he was supposed to he cheered and clapped with the crowd. When the thirteen members of the World Committee had gotten out of their identical automobiles, he had put both hands over his heart. When they reached the door of the Committee Living Quarters he had bowed his head in respect. The World Livers could never see the inside of those Committee mansions.

Madison hurried to a food stand, filled up a canvas bag with food and walked down some steps to the Metro. On the platform, among the crowd stood a middle height woman with tawny hair. She wore the tweed suit of the Department of Barter and Trade.

“Hello, Fellow Liver Tammy Hall.”

“Hello, Fellow Liver Madison Sims.”

Their words were simple, but their eyes told a different story, a story that could never be spoken. Their petition to be co-housing fellows depended on no one finding out that they actually cared for each other. The two of them moved onto the northbound train with the other people, “Next Stop: Station 2.” The platform disappeared and the low electronic beat of pulse music began. Madison and Tammy did not speak again until they had reached their house a half-mile walk from Station 4.

Madison and Tammy scanned their retinas as they hurried inside.  There would be no visits from the L.E.C. tonight. The inside of their house was simple. It had five rooms; a living room attached to the front door, the kitchen, a dining room, a bedroom, and an attached lavatory.

Crowned of the Woodland- Writers Block. This is the beginning.

I was going to start with the war, but I wondered if the campaign descriptions over months and years could get boring. Then I was going to start at the end, go to bed at the end of the chapter, and have hi

Crowned of the Woodland

Chapter 1

Foster, newly crowned Thane Aiden, King of Aidah, stared over the weed-choked courtyard. Only a week ago, his armies had finally freed Aidah from two hundred years of Golt oppression. The shrill dance of pipe and violin music came from behind him. The laughter of children and lilting song of the grown mixed in with the music to create an air of exuberance. Yet Foster could not join. He had tried. During the common dinner of roast ox, domestic partridge, radishes, bread and hard cheese, he had eaten and conversed with the other revelers. But when the dancing and music started, Foster had removed himself. He had always enjoyed music, even during the long campaigns, especially during the campaigns. An Aiden folk song could lift his spirits, as well as being in defiance of Golt laws. And he wasn’t remiss to a dance or two, although only with a select few that really knew him.

A light touch on the elbow woke him from his musing, “My son, why are you not at the party? Golt is gone, our mountains and forests are safe now. No longer do our children have to fear work in the orchard and field. No longer will our cities and harbors fall in crumbling ruin. Dandy men may sing to their ladies, lovers stroll beneath the trees.”

But he suppressed the uptight feelings and allowed the trim, dark haired woman to lead him back to the happy crowd. The middle tempo dance was, admittedly, one of Foster’s favorites. He took the opportunity and led his mother on to the polished wood makeshift dance floor. The syncopated short beats thronged through him. He looked into his mothers pine eyes. They had always enthralled him, as if they held the wisdom of the ages. He knew he could not hide things from her, but he kept up a steady stream of businesslike conversation in order to keep the deeper questioning at bay.  

“Mother, you know that you could be the queen. The people of Aidah love you, and although I’m grateful to be king, well, you know more about administration and keeping order than I do. I would transfer the power to you. Take it from me! Keep me advised, but please Mother, take the reins!”

“No, my son. It is I who will be kept advised, while you are in your place as Thane. I will be there, as will your friends and countrymen. But you have led us in the war to free our country. You are not alone, but it is your responsibility to rule. Be the Thane we need now that we are free! You know what to do! Lead by example what it means to be Aiden, and then leave the people to live honest lives! Administer mercy at every turn, justice when needed. You can be a good king, Foster, it is in your blood.”

120 Questions

Being one of those sensitive days I found this list and answered these questions in my head. Maybe it only interests me but I suggest you read them and answer them in your head too, gets you thinking! They could also be used for short writing prompts.

1: Who did you last say "I love you" to?
2: Do you regret it?
3: Have you ever been depressed?
4: Do you like dinosaurs?
5: Are you insecure?
6: What is your relationship status?
7: How do you want to die?
8: What did you last eat?
9: Have you played any sports?
10: Do you have an attitude?
11: Do you like someone?
12: What is your real name?
13: Have you ever read a book?
14: Do you hate anyone at the moment?
15: Do you miss someone?
16: Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
17: Do you tan a lot? over the summer?
18: Have any pets?
19: How exactly are you feeling?
20: Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving:
21: Good driver?
22: Are you scared of spiders?
23: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
24: Do you regret anything from your past?
25: What are your plans for this weekend?
26: Do you want to have kid?
27: Do you type fast?
28: Do you have piercings?
29: Want anymore?
30: Can you spell well?
31: Do you miss anyone from your past?
32: What are you craving right now?
33: Ever been to a bonfire party?
34: Ever had a silly band?
35: Have you ever been on a horse?
36: Have you ever broken someones heart?
37: Have you ever been cheated on?
38: Are you thinking of someone right now?
39: Would you live with someone without marrying them?
40: What should you be doing?
41: Whats irritating you right now?
42: Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
43: Does somebody love you?
44: What is your favorite color?
45: Have you ever changed clothes in a car?
46: Milk chocolate or white chocolate?
47: Do you have trust issues?
48: Best friends name?
49: 2nd best friends name?
50: 3rd best friends name?
51: Who was the last person you cried in front of?
52: Do you give out second chances too easily?
53: Is it easier to forgive or forget?
54: What was your childhood nickname?
55: Favorite food?
60: Do you believe everything happens for a reason??
61: Did you have dream last night?
62: Have you ever been out of state?
63: Do you play the wii?
64: Are you listening to music right now?
65: Do you like chinese food?
66: Who are you texting right now?
67: Are you afraid of the dark?
68: Is cheating ever okay?
69: Are you mean?
70: Can you keep white shoes clean?
71: What year has been your best?
72: Do you believe in true love?
73: Favorite weather?
74: Do you like the snow?
75: Does it snow a lot where you live?
76: Do you like the outside?
77: Do you wanna get married?
78: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
79: Are you hungry?
80: What makes you happy?
81: Would you change your name?
82: Ever been to Alaska?
83: Ever been to Hawaii?
84: Do you watch the news?
85: What's your zodiac sign?
86: Do you like subway?
87: Do you talk like your friends?
88: Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them?
89: Do you have a friend of the opposite gender who you can act your complete self around?
100: Who was the last person of the opposite gender you talked to?
101: Do you feel good?
102: Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
103: Can you count to one million?
104: Are your finger nails painted at the moment?
105: Favorite number?
106: If you could pick two people your own age or younger to be stuck on a stranded island with, who would it be?
107: Are you a hunter?
108: Tall or short?
109: Favorite subject in school?
110: What 5 people do you trust the most?
111: Who do you think has amazing hair?
112: Parents divorced?
113: What city do you live in?
114: Where were you born?
115: Recliner or couch?
116: What two people do you miss talking to?
117: Who will you be with this weekend?
118: City or country?
119: Water or soda?
120: Was this a waste of my time?