Thanksgiving Talk

The last time I gave a talk I tried quoting blink-182 as a way to get out of giving more, but, as you can see, that didn't work. I still got the call. When I got asked to speak by Scott Layne earlier this week, I asked if there was anything he thought I should speak on. His response was that there wasn't a specific topic, but that it was near Thanksgiving and to keep that in mind. I have, but it is a difficult subject to write about. So, as Elder Bednar usually says at the beginning of his General Conference talks, “I pray that the Holy Ghost will teach you and me.” I decided to speak on parts of my life and my experiences that I am grateful for, some more overtly Church based than others.

I'll start off with my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm grateful that I have it. I do wish that it was set more on a constantly steady upward trajectory. In reality the strength of my testimony has gone up and down in a rather wild pattern. Maybe it was the way it started. When I was younger, roughly in the older elementary school grades and middle school, I would get up and bear my testimony quite often. That wasn't because I had a rock hard testimony though. It was because I liked a girl. The Blocker family sat up front where the Ostlers do now. Their oldest daughter, Sarah, was my age, and I thought she was extremely cute. I'd bear my testimony to her, and everything else was just an afterthought. She moved away during our freshman year of high school.

My testimony grew during high school because of two of the most important people in my life. One of them was Jim Whitney. He worked in the Young Men and Scouting program for most of the time I was in the youth program. He helped me when there were times when I felt like an outsider in Young Mens. Whether it was at Mutual on Wednesday nights, or the campouts, I could rely on him to greet me with a friendly smile. It was like he wanted me to be there, which has often been a foreign concept to me. Not that it was always easy going around him. He had goals for the Young Men he worked with. At that time the Church was deeply involved with Scouting and he pushed us towards Eagle, even if I went camping, or to Scout Camp, to disappear into the woods and ride horses. More importantly, he gave one of the finest examples of what it meant to be Christlike I have ever seen. I can't necessarily remember what lessons we had in Young Mens, but I do remember how those lessons made me feel. He knew the gospel was true, and he lived it. Another person who helped my testimony grow was Gerry Stephens. Seminary wasn't a chore to go to. I'll admit that back then I was a morning person, so getting up for seminary was usually not as difficult for me as it might have been otherwise. Regardless of that, it was so much fun to be there. Up until then, I had never been able to finish reading any of the Standard Works from front to back. When I was trying to impress Sarah in sixth grade, I may have said that I knew the Book of Mormon was true. Up until seminary, I was pretty sure the first half of 1 Nephi was true, but I had never gotten to Moroni 10 to know about asking “God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ” if these things were true. Turns out they are. Gerry made the scriptures come alive. The stories in the scriptures were not just things that happened thousands of years ago. They were events and teachings that would help me in my life. My senior year, our seminary class took a trip to Nauvoo, Illinois. We did baptisms for the dead in the newly rebuilt temple, toured Church History sites, and spent about a week basking in the Spirit of where the Prophet Joseph Smith lived and taught. A couple suggestions, if I may be so bold. When you go, get there after the sun sets. From the direction we came, there is a small hill to drive around right before entering town. You drive around this hill and there is the temple all lit up, like the beacon on a hill that it is. Before we drove around the hill we had been talking and laughing in the car. When the temple came into view there was dead silence, except for a few exclamations of awe. As soon as we had dropped our luggage at the hotel we all walked back to the temple grounds. We had to see it up close.

Of course when I served a mission in South Carolina, that was a huge testimony building experience, but I want to talk more about that in a minute. After I got home was when it got really hard. I did have some good experiences. The ward leadership I had at BYU-Idaho were, almost without fail, some of the most wonderful, caring people I have ever met. I still talk to Dan Moore, one of my bishops in Rexburg, very often. He is still one of my best friends, and someone I trust completely. Whenever I was having a bad time I could go to his office, either the bishops's office during church or his office in the geology department, and talk to him. He was the one who introduced me to the idea that I could ask for priesthood blessings at any time. Or we could just talk, whatever I needed. I still do that, just over the phone. One thing I struggled with was the fact that I didn't have alone time in college. I'm an introvert, and while I enjoy having fun with people, I need some time to process my day. While attending BYU-Idaho I had people in my classes, people on campus, people in my apartment, and a person in my room. I couldn't get away. But when I got overwhelmed I could go to Bishop Moore's office and vent. He may have been another person, but we are very similar, so he had a very calming effect. Between semesters and after I graduated from college I went to other singles wards. I'm going to be honest, I hated all of them. In August 2013, I went to my ten year high school reunion. When I walked in to the venue, people who I hadn't seen in ten years shouted out my name. I got excitedly introduced to spouses, fiancees, and others. I was told how glad they were to see me. I even got kissed twice, though, those girls had been drinking, so I'm not sure how genuine that was. Maybe they were just amorously buzzed. The next day at the singles ward no one asked me how my week was. No one said they were glad I was there. No one even said, “hello.” It was a constant barrage of, “I need this printed, why isn't this done. . .” The lessons were often pretty bad. As an example, the Word of Wisdom, “Brothers and sisters, don't drink beer. While you're not drinking, go find a girlfriend.” I was often so close to turning around and trying to find my friends who were probably still recovering from hangovers. Why I didn't at least leave and return to this ward “early,” I'll never know. But through it all, I still maintained a testimony of the Gospel.

One reason I believe I never became inactive was my service as a missionary. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to serve a mission. It was hard. I was so shy before I left. I had implemented the old, “don't speak unless spoken to” rule for myself. As a missionary, it is your job to talk to people you have never met. Again, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I struggled with street contacting for the full two years. It is also the best thing I've ever done. There are two things about South Carolina you should know. One, I'll never be able to say the name of that state like I'm not a Southerner. Two, I love the people there. Even if I was told I was going to h-e-double hockey sticks an average of twice a week, I still love them. That was mostly just the megachurch pastors, anyway. Because I was so shy, every time I left an area I had at least one person who told me they were sure that I wasn't going to stay on my mission very long. They then followed it up with, “but you've been such an asset to our ward or branch. We'll miss you.” I felt needed and wanted. I started acting like it as a result. I've always been short, so people didn't trust me in the font, but I was able to confirm several people as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I could teach lessons and give spiritual thoughts without my voice trembling. In my third or fourth reading of The Book of Mormon, I read this in Mosiah 2:30, “For even at this time, my whole frame doth tremble exceedingly while attempting to speak unto you; but the Lord God doth support me, and hath suffered me that I should speak unto you . . .” King Benjamin may have been trembling because he was old, but I grabbed hold of that verse like it was my lifeline. My voice and hands may have shaken, but as He did for King Benjamin, the Lord supported me as a missionary. There were times when I didn't feel like I could go on. But at those times, other scriptures came to mind. A scripture that I had read many times, even before I finished any major chunk of them, 1 Nephi 3:7, “And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them,” and then a chapter later, in 1 Nephi 4:6-7, “And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. . . nevertheless I went forth.” And so, I did. As my fellow missionaries and I went out in faith, we learned the truthfulness of the Lord's promise in Doctrine and Covenants Section 49, verse 27, that, “Behold, I will go before you and be your rearward; and I will be in your midst, and you shall not be confounded.”

I am grateful for my personality, or at least I am working on it. I'm assuming that most of you have only a passing idea of who I am. After all, I've said that although I enjoy hanging out with people, I am an introvert and don't really want to be the center of attention. And since I don't have a dynamic wife, or one of any description, to make me more interesting to be around, it's easy to slip through the cracks. I've also been in the nursery for about the last year and a half to two years. So, I certainly can't blame anyone who knows me as the guy who waves his arm during the songs in Sacrament meeting and then disappears. I'll catch you up to speed a bit. I'm a bit nerdy. As I was writing this talk, I kept on second guessing what I was putting in it because I didn't want to sound too weird. I'm also not going to try and sound “normal.” That ship sailed a long time ago. Or sank, depending on how you look at it. I have had a reputation in the past for being nice, a reputation that at times I thought I'd rather not have. I've run into people who will be “nice” to your face while lying through their teeth. Surface nice doesn't interest me. There is another word that I hope those people who said I was nice meant. That word is kind. In the British sci-fi television show Dr. Who, the main character has the ability to change to another person when he is badly hurt. When this change happened to the Twelfth Doctor, played by Peter Capaldi, he gives a monologue to help himself remember who he wants to be after his next regeneration. In part, he says, “Remember, hate is always foolish and love is always wise. Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind. . . love hard, run fast, be kind.” To me, being kind means trying to understand where the other person is coming from. It is putting your own feelings and opinions, especially opinions, away for at least a little bit. Understanding other people is hard. But it is what Christ would want us to do. It is a major step on our way to gaining charity, famously known as the pure love of Christ. My favorite story in the New Testament is the story called the woman taken in adultery. In the story, the Pharisees find a woman who is cheating on her husband. They drag her over to Jesus and smugly ask him what he suggests. They point out that the Law of Moses says that she should be killed. At first Jesus doesn't reply, but writes something on the ground. The writers of the Gospels don't say what he wrote. They do record what Jesus says. He says that any of the other people who have never sinned can stone the woman. All the people who took her to Jesus leave in silence. Jesus and the woman talk about how they have not condemned her, and neither will Jesus. He admonishes her not to sin again, as only the Savior can. Who can I be in this story? Not Jesus, certainly. I can try to get as close to Him and His ways as I can. But I am not the Savior. I can be either like the woman, and seek forgiveness from God, Or I could be like one of the people who dragged her over to Jesus. Actually, there is another type of person I could be. Since I can read this story in the New Testament, I could be the person who realizes up front that I am not sinless and therefore I do not have the moral standing to condemn others. Instead of dragging people to Christ, hoping he'll give me permission to metaphorically stone them, I could try and be kind in whatever situation I find myself. Just like I remember those megachurch pastors in Greenville, and how I never once thought, “you know, their right! A am going to hell and I better do everything they want me to right now,” I don't think we should be overbearing on other's agency. With our example, we can be a better friend and disciple than we could ever be by giving a pompous speech.

I have an easier time being kind and understanding where children are concerned. I work at schools in El Segundo and in Manhattan Beach. I can listen to anything a child wants to talk to me about all afternoon. It can be about video games, their soccer game, a play date, or anything else. I'll just stand there and listen with complete rapt attention. I feel like they deserve to be listened to and encouraged in their interests. I struggle quite a bit more with adults. Small talk is one of my least favorite things on the planet. Weather will take care of itself without our help. Mundane things we do throughout our day get done and then we can go on to something more interesting. However, if someone is struggling with something, or they have a project or subject they are really excited about, I will listen to them for hours. I do like that about myself. I've had, and hope to have more, conversations about Church doctrine, philosophy, science, movies, music, books and many other things. I won't interrupt unless I need to ask for clarification, and I won't give unsolicited advice. If someone asks me what they think about something, or what I would do in their situation, I'll tell them, but I feel it is important to wait until they ask.

Another thing about me that I am grateful for is my hobbies. Music is a big part of my life. I play trumpet. I have a few other instruments that I can't play yet. When someone asks me what kind of music I listen to, I usually say, “almost anything from classical to punk rock.” I'm not sure I could go a day without listening to something. Music is something that I use to learn about others. Whether it is instrumental or has lyrics, people have always poured out their souls and experiences into their music. There may be music that is more suited for church than other kinds, but I have found meaning and truth in most songs I've heard. I also enjoy nature. I love camping. The first place I remember camping is Sequoia National Park. The redwoods are the most impressive thing I've ever seen. An institute instructor I once had suggested that our Heavenly Father might have asked for our input in creating parts of the universe. After all, we were going to live here. He excitedly showed us pictures of the Horse Head Nebula and Pillars of the Gods in space. I feel the same way about the Giant Sequoias. Yes, I've hugged them. I always have my phone ready to take a picture of any animal I see. If I think about it I also put a small Canon Powershot in my pocket to take pictures. I then post the better ones on Facebook, so I can show people what I'm excited about. All these things make me who I am, and hopefully, we can all learn to be grateful to Heavenly Father for who we are.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Talk on "Assurances"

Assurances Talk

Growing up, when I went to visit my biological father he would play the classic rock station in his car. I'm turning out much the same way, except the music I play in my car is from the 90s or early 2000s instead of the 70s. In 1999 there was a song where the opening lines went, “All the small things. Truth cares, truth brings.” The song then goes on to explain about all the little things that the singer's girlfriend does for him as he goes through life. Of course, Heavenly Father knows us better than Tom DeLong's girlfriend ever could. As we go through our lives we will have periods of trial, large and small. This life can be hard to navigate. As members of the Church we know where we want to be headed in the end. We know that there are righteous goals that we can strive for in this life along the way. However, sometimes these goals do not come as easily or as fast as we would like. In these times we can receive small pieces of revelation or feelings from the Spirit that can help make us feel better in our harder moments. I have heard these feelings called 'assurances,' as they bring assurance that the Lord is with us and is watching over us.

Assurances are small, but that does not mean that they cannot be powerful. In The Book of Mormon, Alma the Younger teaches, “ . . . behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.” (Alma 37:6-7) Often we hear about events like the First Vision of Joseph Smith or the angel that came to tell Alma to repent. I have no doubt that happened and could still happen now. Usually the events that occur in our lives are far less dramatic. How do we know that we have had an assurance from the Lord if they are so small? The Lord told Oliver Cowdery how to recognize them as he was helping Joseph Smith translate the Gold Plates. Oliver was told that he would be told in his mind and heart by the Holy Ghost, and was then reminded that it had happened as he had prayed to know if Joseph's work was true. (D&C 8-9) Like Oliver Cowdery, we too can know in our minds and hearts the things of the Spirit.

Assurances are helpful because we are not often given every step from start to finish. The path often twists and turns. Sometimes it seems like the thing we are trying to reach is a living thing that moves. On the African savannah there are many different predators. One of the most successful of these hunters is the leopard. A leopard is successful in more hunts than say a hyena because of the way it hunts. Hyenas get about ten of their buddies together and then rush at the zebras in full sight. Leopards look for prey from up in a tree. They can see their goal. But very rarely will a zebra or other animal casually walk under a tree where a leopard may be sitting. So when a leopard sees a herd in his territory he drops onto the ground and sneaks up on it. On the ground a leopard is only about two and a half feet tall. In grass that is 4 feet tall the leopard now has a much harder time seeing what it is hoping to eat. And zebras don't sit still. The leopard knows roughly where he wants to go, but he may not be able to see exactly. He has strategies to get to where the zebras are so he can eat one. When a leopard is creeping up on something he will climb up the backsides of termite mounds or small hills to see if it is still going in the right direction.

As we are working towards Eternal Life we may not feel confident that we are going in the right direction. It is at these times that the Lord will give us an assurance that we are on the right path. In essence He gives us a small hill to see over. The problem is that hills need to be climbed. Elder Richard G. Scott taught about these times in his talk Trust in the Lord when he said, “They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all knowing Father. They point the way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen your determination to accept and be obedient to His will.” These assurances may not be specific direction, but instead of that I have had the thought, “you are doing just fine.” In these instances we can be confident that the Lord knows the end from the beginning and will not lead us astray. Elder Scott admonished the members of the Church to, “Act where you are able, then let the matter rest with the Lord for a period . . . before you take on appropriate concern again.”

Another of the leopard's greatest strengths is patience. It can stay perfectly still for minutes at a time, or move only inches in its bid to catch dinner. It may seem like rushing towards a worthy goal is the best and most obvious choice to get it. But as has been said many times, the Lord's timetable may not be ours. He is preparing us for eternity. To do that He has to try and stretch us. “Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.” In these times it is best to remember that the Lord has promised not to leave us comfortless. When the people of Alma were enslaved by the Lamanites in Helam, they were asked to work very hard. The leader of the Lamanite masters was one of the wicked priests of king Noah. This priest did not want the people to pray and said he would have anyone who did pray killed. The people of Alma trusted in the Lord and prayed in their hearts. The Lord did not immediately save them, but he did ease their burdens and make it so the work was easier. After the trial of their faith, the Lord led the people away from the Lamanites and back to safety.

There are several ways that we can be ready to receive assurances when the Lord wants to give them to us. First we must believe that Heavenly Father will give us revelation through the Holy Ghost. Again from Elder Scott, “This life is an experience in profound trust- trust in Jesus Christ . . . trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning.” Combine that with these words from Elder Jeffery R. Holland, “Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—,” and we have a very powerful step towards receiving not only assurance from God that we are on the right path, but the great blessings he has in store for us as well. Before Moroni appeared to the boy Joseph Smith, Joseph believed that he could receive a divine manifestation, because, as he said, he had already had one. Even in our toughest times we can know that we can have comfort from the Lord because we have already had it in our lives.

The scriptures often say, “Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you.” There may be assurances and blessings that the Lord is willing to give to us, but instead of just handing them out, He wants us to exercise humility and faith by coming to Him in prayer. Prayer is also a good way to receive those assurances once we have asked for them. President Gordon B. Hinckley taught that prayer should not be given like a grocery list or ordering food, without any thought. We don't go to the Lord and say, “OK, I need 2 large pizzas, one cheese, one pepperoni, and some breadsticks. K, bye.” As we kneel to pray we need to be reminded that we are speaking to our loving Father in Heaven. He will answer us as we listen. When I was a missionary I had a companion, Elder Bradshaw, who would get down on his knees and not start praying for almost a minute, and then would wait another minute after he was done before getting up. When I first was transferred to the area I asked him why he always did that. His answer was that we prayed to the Lord to get help and answers, so we should listen to hear or feel what the Lord would have us know. He wouldn't start praying until he felt like he was in the right frame of mind, and he wouldn't get up until he felt at least a little better about what he had asked. Not all of our large questions will be answered in such short a time, but we can feel the love of the Savior immediately.

Not having immediate answers to prayers takes faith, but it can qualify us for greater blessings as we are faithful. To receive those blessings we need to do the will of the Father as the Savior did. Elder Scott explains, “How grateful I am personally that our Savior taught we should conclude our most urgent, deeply felt prayers, when we ask for that which is of utmost importance to us, with “Thy will be done.” (Matthew 26:42) Your willingness to accept the will of the Father will not change what in His wisdom He has chosen to do. However, it will certainly change the effect of those decisions on you personally. That evidence of the proper exercise of agency allows His decisions to produce far greater blessings in your life.”

Combining study of the scriptures with prayer is a good way to receive comfort from life's struggles. In the scriptures are many stories and examples of how to work through trials and still receive the love of God. When Helaman and the 2000 stripling warriors were fighting there were times when they felt afraid or downhearted. But the scriptures tell us that they fasted and prayed and then were comforted. Enos went into the forest and prayed until he received a remission of his sins. Sometimes the stories in the scriptures don't seem to have anything to do with our situation. That doesn't mean that they are not worth reading. In my quest to be a fully independent adult I have tried moving to Idaho a few times. I went to Brigham Young University- Idaho in Rexburg. After I graduated I tried to stay there, but because of various reasons that didn't work. One day I was reading in Alma chapter 8 and I read these words in verse 16, “And behold, I am sent to command thee that thou return to the city of Ammonihah, and to preach again unto the people of the city.” and in verse 18, “Now it came to pass that after Alma had received his message from the angel of the Lord he returned speedily to the land of Ammonihah.” I knew I needed to return somewhere, but of course I couldn't return to Ammonihah. I don't know where that is. So I returned to California. About 2 years ago I tried again to move and be on my own. For awhile it seemed to be a good move, but as you can see, in the end, I came back. The important part of reading the scriptures is to become closer to Christ. Through Him we can be guided throughout life.

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have the Priesthood. One thing that the Priesthood does is allow us to give and receive blessings from those who have the authority to administer them. Getting a blessing can be a wonderful experience. They are revelation from a loving Heavenly Father. It is so nice to get the personal word of the Lord in spoken English sometimes. I have often heard phrases such as, “You are doing well.” “Be comforted,” or “Feel the love of your Heavenly Father.” Those sentences are reminders that I need and can go back to again and again as I work through my struggles in life. A struggle I have with blessings is that I have felt as if I was being an inconvenience to others when I wanted a blessing. Remember that the Priesthood exists so that service can be performed. There is always someone who is willing to help out when you need something. Another type of blessing is our Patriarchal blessing. These blessings are helpful for getting assurances for several reasons. First they are often set up as a basic blueprint for our lives. They may have different things covered because every person's life is different, but the Lord will help us know at least a little of what we need to do. Second, it is evidence of the Lord's love and concern for us. He knows my name and your name. He knows who we are, what we struggle with. He leaves messages of love and encouragement in our individual blessings.

Even if we do not seem to be making great headway with certain areas of our lives, we can receive daily personal reminders from the Spirit. To receive those daily reminders we need to be worthy of that Spirit, the Holy Ghost, that will deliver the messages. Elder Scott says that, “If you are suffering the disheartening affects of transgression, please recognize that the only path to permanent relief from sadness is sincere repentance with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Realize your full dependence on the Lord and your need to align your life with His teachings.Postponing humble repentance will delay or prevent your receiving relief.” The Lord wants to help you and give you revelation to encourage you along the path.

Every Sunday we have the opportunity to look backwards and forwards as we partake of the Sacrament. This ordinance of the Gospel goes hand in hand with repentance as we renew our covenants with the Lord and reaffirm our desires to be close to Him and do what he asks of us.

The most important part of receiving an assurance, no matter how small is to follow it. Last week in Stake Conference, President Ostler told the Old Testament story of Naaman. As you remember, Naaman was a very important person in the Syrian army, but he had leprosy. Hearing about Elisha the prophet, Naaman went to see him. Elisha, through his servant, told Naaman to wash in the Jordan River seven times. At first Naaman did not want to do this. After all, there were nicer rivers back in Syria. But a servant of Naaman pleaded with him to do as Elisha had asked. He reasoned that if the prophet had asked Naaman to do some amazing thing he would have done it, so why not do the easy thing- dip in Jordan seven times and be healed. I have noticed that I am often like Naaman. I have no problem when President Monson says to avoid the big stuff. But personal scriptures reading every day is a struggle. I can come up with some great excuses why I don't do it. Someone might see me doing it (because apparently having people see you read scriptures is a bad thing?) or I don't have time (but I do have time to get on Facebook for an hour to see that no one has written on my wall.) And all of this even though as was demonstrated above, that the scriptures are a source of revelation and help in several different ways. We must remember that for many things there are no easy quick fixes. We may struggle with things for years. We may ask questions over and over. According to Elder Scott, some questions are better than others. Why does this have to happen to me? Or What have I done? Do not show faith. They are questions that concentrate on ourselves. Rather, ask, What can I do? What are some blessings that I have? But there is absolute assurance that, in the Lord's time, a solution will be presented.

It is better to be like Jesus. He is the greatest example we could ever hope to get. He did as the Father asked him to do every single time. We won't be that good, but we can keep working towards becoming more like Him. As was noted, we should live our lives with one of Christ's preeminent sentences ever on our lips, “Father, if Thou be willing remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” The Lord may choose to answer our questions now or later, but they will be answered. We need to have a profound trust in Jesus Christ. Exercising faith means to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. He wants us to succeed. Even if we do not understand why we need to go through what we do and we struggle to see how any of this helps we should be willing to submit to the will of the Father. As we pass through trials for His purposes, He will help you. He will tell us of promised blessings, and Heavenly Father always keeps his promises. Abraham was promised Isaac long before he arrived. Then the Lord asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. Even though the angel stopped Abraham and provided a ram, it looked for a time like Isaac would be killed. But the Lord keeps his covenants. Nephi knew of Jesus Christ 600 years before He came. The Nephites went through some tough times before Christ came, but He did come. Obedience to Christ is a sure foundation on which to build your life. When we build our lives upon the Rock who is Jesus Christ we will be safe from when, “The devil shall send forth his mighty winds.” (Helaman 5:12)

 Assurances from the Lord do not come all at once. It comes step by step as we move forward with faith in Christ. “While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow.Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit.” during those times of growing Heavenly Father will not leave you to wander alone. Elder Scott gives us this relieving counsel, “I have found that because of our Father's desire for us to grow, He may give us gentle, almost imperceptible promptings that, if we are willing to accept without complaint, He will enlarge to become a very clear indication of His will. This enlightenment comes because of our faith and our willingness to do what He asks even though we would desire something else. . . Please learn that as you wrestle with a challenge and feel sadness because of it, you can simultaneously have peace and rejoicing. Yes, pain, disappointment, frustration, and anguish can be temporary scenes played out on the stage of life. Behind them there can be a background of peace and the positive assurance that a loving Father will keep His promises. You can qualify for those promises by a determination to accept His will, by understanding the Plan of Happiness, by receiving all of the ordinances, and by keeping the covenants made to assure their fulfillment.”

Talk 09-20-2015 Seek Ye First The Kingdom of Heaven

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And become one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I should be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

(The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost, 1916)

In this life, our mortal existence, there are two main roads we can go by. One was warned about in his ministry to the Nephites in 3 Nephi 14:13, “for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, which leadeth to destruction, and many there be who go in thereat;” the Savior tells the people to, “Enter ye at the strait gate; . . . Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” (3 Nephi 14:13-14) By following the Savior and entering the strait and narrow path we can return to him and our Heavenly Father. We have entered into the path by the gate of baptism. As discussed in 1 Nephi 31, we must now continue our journey by continuing to be faithful and endure to the end. As we make this journey, when we make good choices, the paths get further and further apart. But we can still hear the noise from the other path. Because it is the road more travelled, there may seem to be more things to do on the broad road. But we must remember President Uchtdorf’s words, “If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill.” The temple, one of our most sacred places, isn’t called the Mountain of the Lord’s House for nothing. By going to the temple instead of giving in to other activities when we feel we should attend, we are moving uphill, closer to our Heavenly Father.

As we move further up towards our Heavenly Father it seems a paradox that often times the noise of the lower path seems to get louder. Outside influences keep on trying to get us to come down. Lehi experienced this in his Dream of the Tree of Life. Even after he and others had partaken of it, the people in the Great and Spacious Building still yelled and made fun. Some people dropped the fruit and left the tree. (1 Nephi 8) A real life example of this principle occurs in the war chapters of Alma. Amalakiah has been appointed to bring a rebelling part of the Lamanite army back to the city so they can fight the Nephites. These Lamanites are led by a man named Lehonti. Lehonti and his people are safe at the top of a mountain. Twice, Amalakiah tries to entice Lehonti to come down the mountain. He doesn’t. then Amalakiah goes almost all the way up to the camp to talk to Lehonti. Lehonti agrees to come back to the city with his men. On the way, Lehonti is poisoned by Amalakiah. It is as if someone comes almost all the way up to the Lord’s strait path and says, “Oh, this isn’t THAT bad! Have some fun.” If we agree and don’t look back we could be, “carefully led down to hell.” (2 Nephi 28:21)

Contrast that to the experience of Nehemiah in the Old Testament. After the Babylonian Captivity, some Israelites were allowed to return to the Promised Land. The walls of Jerusalem had fallen into disrepair, so Nehemiah and his companions began to fix it. Some other groups living there did not want the wall to be built. If Nehemiah had a wall, the Jews could not be controlled. So they went to Nehemiah and asked him to come off the wall and stop working. He replied, “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?” (Nehemiah 6:3) The wall was finished, and the temple cleansed. (6:15-16)

Although the journey up the mountain to Eternal Life may seem harder than the downhill stroll along the broad road, and we will slip and take some trips down in our lives, it is important to know that we do not take the road on our own. The Savior is always right there beside us as we make the journey, ready to pick us up as we stumble our way up. If we put him first in our lives we will recognize the assistants he gives us.

We have a road map to help us in the journey. Before the earth was even made, Heavenly Father created and instituted a Plan of Salvation for his children. He told us of this plan in the Grand Council, and has had prophets write the plan down in the scriptures. These maps, along with the words of living prophets are our map to get back to Heavenly Father. We don’t have to take the map and walk alone. The Holy Ghost can be our constant companion. Also we have local and general leaders who walk along with us as our guides. They will help and guide us.

Often temples are put on higher ground than the rest of the city. Matthew 5:14 reminds us that a city set on a hill cannot be hid. As long as we, like the pioneers, keep our faces and our steps toward our goal of Eternal Life, we will be able to see it. Not with our physical eyes, but our spirits know the way back. They can spiritually see where Christ is, and where we want to end up. The Kingdom of Heaven is not under a bushel, it is at the top of the hill.

Even with all these, we cannot make it up the path on our own. At some point, the path has some chasms of spiritual and temporal death. But do not worry. Heavenly Father has provided a Savior for us. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can return back into their presence. Because of the events that transpired in Gethsemane, Calvary, and the Garden Tomb, we are saved from the major part of the journey that we cannot achieve. Because Christ said, “Thy will and not mine be done,” (Luke 22:42) and because the angels at the open tomb were able to say, “Why look ye for the living among the dead? He is not here, he is risen,” (Luke 24:5-6) we are able to be saved. After all our trials, we can say as Job, “And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God.” (Job 19:26)

We have started up the road less taken. Those steps we have already taken, and the continued walk, and help from Christ will make all the difference in this life and in all eternity.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A friend's response to "Worried"- originally a private message on Facebook

Hey Steven! First off im sorry for my delay in posting -- i am so bad at responding timely. I'm gonna write my reply in a few messages because I too am an over-sharer and can't stop myself when I've started writing haha

Thanks for sharing that with me. I resonated with a lot of what you said. Especially the part about having a "happy" memory of when you were feeling suicidal or depressed. I think we feel that way because it is a familiar feeling, and a memory of a time when we felt completely in control of ourselves. Even if it was for a sad reason, we felt in control. That's my hypothesis for how memories of previous low times seem "happy."

Also, hindsight and nostalgia can be dirty, cheating, lying scoundrels, and withhold the negative feelings and consequences from our memory. smile emoticon

I also resonated with what you said about how writing your feelings to the band members relieved your feeling, when scripture study and/or preparing for a talk only provided temporary comfort. I don't think that's a bad thing at all. On the contrary, I think that is how things are designed. While the scriptures are the word of God and the Holy Ghost is always with us when we are honestly searching for answers, it is difficult to find relief in them when the nature of your hurting is loneliness and feeling singular, or like an anomaly. Especially loneliness on your deepest level. Like me -- sometimes I feel like I am completely alone in the universe, like even though there are so many people around me who I know care about me, I feel like I'm a "different breed" of sorts, that I can never be able to have anyone else "speak my language" or truly understand how I feel. does that make sense?

So when you wrote to the members of the band saying how grateful you were for their music and for telling you that you belonged at their show and in their "group", that is a way of connecting, in the physical sense, with others. It's a reminder to yourself that you are NOT alone and that you DO belong and that YES other people see you and hear you and care about you and YES you are worthy of belonging somewhere

I do the same thing. Music has been my lifesaving floatie device for my whole life. The same with art and with books, but especially with music (and films) -- because there is a really tangible feeling of atmosphere and environment with a song or a movie, so you can be engulfed in it

That's why God gave us the ability to create -- because our creations can bring us together and teach us about different things. Music of ANY kind -- even my favorite Third Eye Blind or Bruce Springsteen or LA punk bands of the 80s -- are created in the image of God because that person put a part of their soul into their music and shared it with the world. Ya know? So maybe its just me, but I see music and films (and books and art and dance etc) as an extension of "scripture". Like they're witnesses to the fact that we each have souls and we each have talents and people who create ANYTHING - no matter what it is - are doing so in an effort to extend their feeling outside of themselves in an effort to connect to another.

Sidenote: I had a professor at SVU (he was the head of the English dept) who taught a literature & film class over one summer that I took. Just about everyone at SVU is Mormon. On the syllabus were some Rated R movies. No one in the class had a problem with it, but the professor explained why it was important -- He said that there are some films, music, books, works of art, that are essential to connect to, even though they are "Rated R" or contain violence or language etc. etc. He said that, if a work of art is produced in truth, and the intent of the art (book, song, film, etc) is to describe something true about humanity in sincerity, then we should like Joseph Smith said, "seek after those things." Because they teach us about ourselves and our brothers and sisters

All this to say -- I completely understand. Or at least I think I do. I am the same way. That's why I'm trying to write things (and also do some short films) that attempt to express these feelings that we feel, that are so difficult to articulate but are so essential to existing. Ya know?

I call this feeling that I feel "internal dissonance". I made up that phrase but I think it makes sense to me, especially being LDS. Because I know that I am a combination of a body and a spirit, I know that the body is the stuff of the physical world (subject to its laws), and the spirit is the stuff of the spiritual world (subject to its laws). But in my experience in this physical life, I feel like there's a dissonance, or some sort of non-harmony, between the two. Like, I know that I'm a divine being made in Gods image and that I have divine potential etc etc. But my physical body is susceptible (by design) to experience life - and thus define my identity or "who i am" - through the lens of depression, panic, anxiety, etc. My brain has a hard time determining between what's real and what's imaginary sometimes. So.....where does that leave me?

I've only been receiving treatment for the disorders that I have for a year, so I am learning so much about how many people experience a similar life experience. And my deepest desire, I guess, is to connect with those people and say that YOURE NOT ALONE and YOU BELONG HERE and ITS OKAY TO FEEL DISSONANT and YOU ARE HERE FOR A PURPOSE..........and also to have the right words or images to throw out into the world like our favorite bands did, so that when I am depressed or low or questioning the point of it all, other people can reach back to me and say, "I heard/read what you created...and I understand, too."

I hope this makes sense. XD

Going back to the scriptures --- during a period in my depression, I lost the "ability" to write well, which had been a lifeline for me when I was growing up. And it was so frustrating for me to not be able to write my thoughts down. So i went to the scriptures too, since you cant go wrong. And I read in Moroni, towards the end, as Moroni starts kind of writing about himself and his experience. And I read that Moroni wrote that he felt that he struggled with his writing abilities, that he felt that he wasn't conveying the words and the stories and God's word in the best way, because he didn't feel like a good writer. But he writes that he had faith that God was helping him write, and that what he had written and compiled was true, and that he hoped that it would reach the audience God intended and that they would be able to understand the true meaning in the words he had written.

and i was totally floored. I mean, I went to Seminary just like you did with Papa Gerry (the best of teachers) and Ive read Moroni over and over, but I never really picked up on Moroni as a PERSON, and his experience. And how I could relate in very real ways to that. He was completely isolated and alone. Everyone he cared about was gone, and his whole culture was gone, and he couldnt do anything about. He writes that he feels helpless about the way the Lamanites are, even though he has faith in God. He is given the task by God and his real father to take care of the plates, to abridge them and to write them. For some future people that he couldnt even fathom. Holy crap. What a situation to be in. And it made me feel comforted that Moroni, alone in the wilderness with this huge task and trying to abridge and translate an entire record of a people who had been wiped off the face of the Earth...in different languages and ways of speaking...and he writes at the end that he felt totally insecure that we was gonna screw it all up because he was a bad writer and he didnt know "why." Why him?

But of course we know now how completely essential Moroni was, as an individual man, in the salvation of millions of people, and in the fulfillment of Gods plan. He himself showed Joseph Smith where the plates were -- author to author, he handed them down just like Moronis father did to him. He's on the steeple of each of our temples. He is Gods messenger. Thats who he is spiritually, eternally. But during his mortal life, in his physical body, he felt unsure about his capabilities and was completely alone and had no one to relate to.

So of course, I dont think I am destined to be as integral to "The Plan" as Moroni was. But it made me feel like, through Moroni, God gave us an example that its okay to feel inadequate or singular or like an alien, its okay to completely not understand "the why". Its okay to have physical experiences that would suggest that you're different than what your spirit is. Because I think that God wanted each of us to have this experience of mental illness/mood disorder/loneliness/existential alienation for ourselves, so that we can combine that very intimate and particular experience with whatever we are & always have been in the spirit world, because it was not possible for us to know and understand these very deep feelings when we were in the presence of God. Right? We never felt alone, misunderstood, pointless, unable, self-hatred, "mental noise". Because we knew what God knew. But, in order for us to truly know the gravity of "immortality and eternal life", we had to know for ourselves what it felt like to be a wretch in need of saving. At least, thats the best hypothesis I can come up with now that makes sense to me.

ANYWAYS...........I'll stop blowing up your Facebook chats now. But I will keep you in the loop, of course, about my project thing. And when I finally figure out the best way to introduce the experiences of other people, I'd love to have your input.

Thank you for always being so kind to me.

OK last sidenote -- have you kept up with Andrew WK? He's the bomb and has awesome musings about being a human.

OK SECOND FINAL SIDENOTE: Those band members who you met and thanked, who told you that you did belong and listened to you, were acting like Christ. No matter if theyre in a pop punk band. They lent an ear and part of themselves to you, and thats exactly what Christ wants us to do. So......I think that counts as spiritual. LOL

Worried- originally a private message to a friend on Facebook. But I needed to share.

 And since I'm a chronic over sharer: Thursday through yesterday I had weird flashbacks. Like nostalgic remembering of my worst depression, even to a "happy" memory of being suicidal. I know that sounds crazy. Well, actually it is. I shook it, but now I'm worried about something else. I didn't shake it by reading scriptures or praying. I feel like I should have done it that way, but over 3 days that didn't work. I did pray and prepared for a lesson that I taught today in church, but that wasn't what got rid of that feeling. Last night I got on my computer and wrote a fan letter to a We Are The In Crowd and thanked them for their music. I told them about how I didn't feel like I fit in with anyone, but when I had met members of two other bands (JT from Hawthorne Heights and Chad Gilbert from New Found Glory) at concerts that they had said that I belonged there. And THAT got rid of the feeling. I'm a little worried that The scriptures were a temporary fix while they were open, but an email to 5 non-Mormon rock stars was the solution I needed. Sorry for that. I can't stop myself once I start writing.

Modern Mormon Men: Baptists (and Mormons) on the Road to Emmaus

Modern Mormon Men: Baptists (and Mormons) on the Road to Emmaus: by  Shawn Tucker : Those who have done missionary work in the South (and perhaps other places) may be able to relate to this experience...

Body Image

I don't feel like I am qualified to write a post about body image. Most of the articles I've read or discussions I've heard discuss body image as a largely female problem. And my guess is that is right.

I still think about it though. What I think about is rather troubling to me. The two TED talks at the end say more than I can. It bothers me that we live in a society that puts so much emphasis on body image that people think they are ugly. It starts early, too. In the first video, done by Meaghan Ramsey, she shows a screen shot of a 13 year old girl doing a YouTube video asking the question, "Am I Ugly?" As a 29 year old I'm hesitant to answer, but feel it's important. No, she wasn't.

They showed some of the comments:
"Yes, you are ugly as f****!"
"Yes. Go kill yourself."
I won't put any more, but there were several along that vein. If that girl ever does any kind of self harm, these people need to be indicted. Who says that? I don't think everyone is attractive to look at, but no one should be heartless. Build people up for goodness sake! Except for rare exceptions (Stalin and Hitler come to mind) you could find something good to say about everyone with little effort. Or you could just follow Thumper's mom's advice, "If you don't have nuthin' nice to say, don't say nuthin' at all."

I recently saw a photo post on Facebook of two friends. Both of them are rather attractive. On one of the pictures one of them made the comment, "My crooked smile makes me want to puke." Not wanting to bug her, since I haven't talked to her in several years and having a mortal fear or being a problem, I waited all day after I had read it for someone to say that her smile was nice. But no one did. So I did. I always thought she was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met.

I am not guiltless when it comes to giving in to body image issues:

I don't like the way I look. Growing up someone's nickname for me was "skinny punk." I never liked it, but you bring it up and the moniker just gets used more. Then I was told that girls don't like skinny kids. Maybe that's true, but until I was 25 I couldn't gain any weight. From 25 to 28 it was way too easy to gain weight. So last year, at 5'6" (and a little bit) I weighed almost 180 pounds. In the last year I've worked myself down to almost 140. I still don't like the way I look though. My stomach still bulges a little when I sit down. I certainly do not have a six-pack. And if girls don't like skinny guys, they don't seem to like guys whose stomachs fold in funny ways.



Why Thinking You're Ugly Is Bad For You- Meaghan Ramsey, TED

Looks Aren't Everything, Believe Me I'm A Model- Cameron Russell, TED

Everybody's Fool- Evanescence